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Only In Canada

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Kharma
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« on: October 13, 2008, 03:36:23 am »

1. Only in Canada……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in Canada...…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in Canada…..do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

4. Only in Canada……do banks leave the doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

5. Only in Canada……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

6. Only in Canada……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

7. Only in Canada……do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.

8. Only in Canada…..do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

9. Only in Canada……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2008, 04:44:28 am »

You know you’re from Canada when …

1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.  (I've had to do this!  Smiley )
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
5. You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat. 

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« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2008, 09:34:05 am »

6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
8. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
10. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
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« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2008, 03:27:25 am »

11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
12. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
15. Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
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« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2008, 04:03:06 am »

16. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
17. You head south to go to your cottage.
18. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
19. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
20. The major parish fund-raiser isn’t bingo it’s sausage making.
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« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2008, 04:34:58 am »

21. You find -40C a little chilly.
22. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
23. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest Jewellery and your Sorrels.
24. You can play road hockey on skates.
25. You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
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« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2008, 09:39:52 am »

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C): Californians shiver uncontrollably - Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C): Italian Cars won't start - Canadians drive with the windows down
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C): American water freezes - Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C): New York City landlords finally turn on the heat - Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C): Mt.St. Helens freezes - Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C): Santa Claus abandons the North Pole - Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C): Ethyl alcohol Freezes - Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C): Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops - Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
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« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2008, 10:28:06 am »

Jeff Foxworthy's take on Canada

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May,
You may live in Canada .

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere
South of Detroit for the weekend,
You may live in Canada .
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« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2008, 08:36:22 am »

More Foxworthy ...

If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada .

If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both doors unlocked,
You may live in Canada .

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« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2008, 06:44:16 am »

Continued ....


If you carry jumpers in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada .


If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
You're going 90 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada .


If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada .


If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
And road construction,
You may live in Canada .
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