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Your Horror-scope for the day

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Author Topic: Your Horror-scope for the day  (Read 99 times)
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Kharma
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Combination Topic Starter Level 5
« on: August 03, 2009, 06:12:42 pm »

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to take up Rap music as a career. Either that or plumbing. (Most people are strangely unaware of the similarities.)

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will soon accidentally discover why it is that so many things "taste like chicken." It's because they ARE chickens, in clever disguises.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will tend towards simplicity in your life. The Voluntary Simplicity movement has been gathering momentum lately, so you'll have plenty of company. And heck, who cares if it's "voluntary", right?

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
It's time to start setting higher goals. Don't get stuff to make a salad and then let it rot in the fridge. Get stuff to make several salads, and start your own compost pile!

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Try to avoid things that are squooshy today. Especially giant green squooshy things that probably came from outer space. (Hint: most giant green squooshy things are, in fact, from outer space.)

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to start learning the violin. Interestingly, your neighbours will volunteer to pay for lessons. It's selfless gestures like that which really help friendships blossom.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Today is not a good day to be yourself. In fact, that might even be dangerous. Be someone else, until further notice.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Benjamin Franklin said: "If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." You're not sure this is an accurate indicator of the value of things, however. At least not after having tried to borrow a toothbrush...

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You've been yodelling in your sleep, again. Is it any wonder that you've been having trouble with your romantic relationships?

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Someone will ask "How are you?" for the millionth time. You should celebrate the occasion by having a speech prepared - something embarassingly intimate is usually best. "Glad you asked, Bob. I'm having a darned tough time getting rid of these pesky genital warts, for one thing..."

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good time to learn to play the harmonica. If you get one of those coat hanger thingies to hang around your neck, you can even play it while you're typing!

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good time to invest in collectible things you never had any use for. Susan B. Anthony dollars may make a good start. (Unlike your usual investments, the value of those can only plummet so far...)
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Tatman
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« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2009, 06:49:13 pm »

Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Today is not a good day to be yourself. In fact, that might even be dangerous. Be someone else, until further notice.

now you tell me
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